Dear Mr. McCain,
You are clearly a very intelligent and compassionate man with many accomplishments. So I'm sure you're not a racist. Sooooo, will you be extending your amnesty plan to those of us who are not illegal immigrants? The reason I ask is, I would really appreciate it if the government would overlook 2 felonies and 5 misdemeanors that I commit. I haven't decided what those will be yet but I've got my $5000 fine ready to pay upfront.
The Mirthful Misanthrope
PS - Your affirmative reply will greatly influence my presidential endorsement