How to trap a P.I.A.P.S.

Clearly my strategery and tactics are effective. And riding on my wave of success, I now offer more unsolicited advice to the McCain campaign.

When McCain faces Hillary in a debate this fall (if?), he should lay the following trap:

Hillary: [Slings some mud in what is supposed to sound like an off-the-cuff comment but actually sounds rehearsed and focus-grouped.]

McCain: "I don't want to respond to mud-slinging. There's an old saying in the south (appeals to people who actually vote Republican) that whenever you get into a wrestling match with a pig you never win. Because you both end up covered in mud, but the pig likes it."

Hillary: "It's interesting, I think, that my opponent would attempt to take the high road while, in essence, calling me a pig."

McCain: "Well if the pantsuit fits..."

Audience: [uproarious laughter]